Monday, 23 July 2012

Today I want to explore an area of my life which has been one of the biggest mysteries to me. So I have a strong belief that I'm a perfectionist and like being that way and it also goes along with me as more of an idealist. Now there is a deep paradox here coz when I look back at my life, I realize that coz of my life situations, I have had a relatively tough life and had to earn things for myself. No achievement or learning came easily ever. This naturally made me strong mentally and emotionally and I started loving challenges to the extent that if something came easily, I would either be lazy or not give my 100% or not value it much. This also means that at a sub-conscious level, I don't enjoy things which are easy and in some way or another want it and/or make it difficult for myself to accomplish. 

This paradox is such a mystery in my existence and identity that it only leads to a new realization literally right 'NOW' that 'unless I identify something very challenging to accomplish or change, I will not apply my perfectionist outlook. Which also means, even if I want to, I will not be able to really give my 100% from the deepest core of my existence for something which I don't recognize as very challenging. This profound realization, definitely has its own bearings on my life and choices and I need to be aware about it. I identify this as an important turning point in my journey of increasing my self awareness. The only solace I get it is when I look historically at the human race; the people who actually created a dent in our world,made their lives meaningful and made the world a better place are the ones who challenged status quo of their time, took it head on and said 'wow, this is my opportunity to give my life to and lead the world in a meaningful direction.' 

Besides, in my 'real' world outside, I met a new friend, shopped after a long time, spoke with my best friend after 3 years for more than 4 hours and registered myself to learn spanish from next week.

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