Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Just finished my first conversation with my new life guru - Amalia. It was on Dey's reference and I made the right decision to follow his advise and connect with her. I want to write about the impact it has had on me. I wish I could meet her face to face coz Skype has its own limitations in the flow of our thoughts. But will still make the best of this opportunity. The one common emotion I had through out the conversation is that I was constantly scared. I was scared in the right way. I was questioning things which are most important in my life and the very meaning of my life now and in the future. I have always been on the other side of the conversation in which I am the catalyst for other people, so this kind of a conversation when I allow someone to be a catalyst for me is very unique. The only other person I have done this with is Dey, which is just 2 weeks back. A lot of this has also happened over years with Shalika.

Besides other things, at the end of this conversation, I have defined my everyday action steps to reach my short term and long term goals. I realize that I need a catalyze in my life right now, someone who can make me more aware and push me towards reaching my goals and till the time I am on my own and ready to change the world in the real sense. This is my last week of the holiday since I sprained my ankle a couple of weeks back. I will start working from the coming Monday. Does that thought make me upset? Yes it does. I have decided not to play small anymore. I need to make myself ready to launch myself out there. I need to consciously do that from here onwards and as Amalia said, I just don't need to 'stop running away from it' but also 'FACE IT'.

I need to accept myself as the individual who I am really am or have the potential of becoming. I 'am going to' connect with myself at a very deep level and find my own answers and action steps. The catalyst will help me be more consistent and not lose my actual identity and help me transform into a much more evolved human being. If I need to transform as a human being on a very active level then I need to explore my soul through meditation and engaging with the right kind of people. I realize that the biggest challenge now will be to be consistent with this state of mind and identity with myself. The kind of people I will be interacting are not the kind of people I can have similar conversations with. The only other person besides me who actually knows who I am or my day to day life is my 'best friend' Shalika.  Its been a unique relationship since 3 years and I will write more about it when the time is right.

Today, I have created one more person who knows about the most important things in my life and I am happy about it. I need to find more such people with whom I will be comfortable breaking the 'wall' and that will be one of the ways I will transform.

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