Monday, 23 July 2012

Today I want to explore an area of my life which has been one of the biggest mysteries to me. So I have a strong belief that I'm a perfectionist and like being that way and it also goes along with me as more of an idealist. Now there is a deep paradox here coz when I look back at my life, I realize that coz of my life situations, I have had a relatively tough life and had to earn things for myself. No achievement or learning came easily ever. This naturally made me strong mentally and emotionally and I started loving challenges to the extent that if something came easily, I would either be lazy or not give my 100% or not value it much. This also means that at a sub-conscious level, I don't enjoy things which are easy and in some way or another want it and/or make it difficult for myself to accomplish. 

This paradox is such a mystery in my existence and identity that it only leads to a new realization literally right 'NOW' that 'unless I identify something very challenging to accomplish or change, I will not apply my perfectionist outlook. Which also means, even if I want to, I will not be able to really give my 100% from the deepest core of my existence for something which I don't recognize as very challenging. This profound realization, definitely has its own bearings on my life and choices and I need to be aware about it. I identify this as an important turning point in my journey of increasing my self awareness. The only solace I get it is when I look historically at the human race; the people who actually created a dent in our world,made their lives meaningful and made the world a better place are the ones who challenged status quo of their time, took it head on and said 'wow, this is my opportunity to give my life to and lead the world in a meaningful direction.' 

Besides, in my 'real' world outside, I met a new friend, shopped after a long time, spoke with my best friend after 3 years for more than 4 hours and registered myself to learn spanish from next week.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Went out today with family after more than a month and was exposed to civilization just the second time in the last three weeks! A simple reminder of how the 'everyday' out there in the world outside the mind is such an additive distraction and can so easily sap us into that reality. But what is that reality? Asking why is everyone running and where is everyone going would just be futile and basic. The fact is that everyone out there is and trying to find meaning for their lives through their actions, whether just or unjust, selfish or selfless. Our brain has the capacity to justify any actions which is repeated several times with whatever intentions, good or bad. 

Science has reached the stage where we are getting closer to the unknown and questions like, what is consciousness, what is time itself, what is now, what's the arrow of time and why, how does matter gain mass and why, origin of the universe, is everything a function of consciousness, energy, frequency and their probability. Can we know the answer to these questions through scientific models, evolution of our brain with time or by becoming more self aware through meditation. In any of these cases how are these questions related to why there is poverty, terrorism, unemployment, diseases and other social epidemics. Isn't it the moral responsibility of the brightest minds of our times to focus on these issues as much as on understanding the mind and the universe? How can the age old system of religion lose its relevance to a common man unless he finds solace in scientific answers.

I am beginning to see the meaning of my life and how I could become a 'connector' for all these questions. A facilitator of true knowledge and not just an expert in any one of these subjects. How can I create, nurture, connect, multiply and evolve a large group of humans who are more aware in the true sense to facilitate the process of the inevitable change. What role will leadership from the intellectually gifted and 'aware humans' play in helping human beings in evolving in the right direction and not become self-destructive one day. Concepts like the 'earth economy' and how every popular phenomenon like business, consumerism, fear of shortage have a hidden agenda for the benefit of a handful of people. How can the process of change happen without a destructive chaos? How will the 'more aware' humans play an active role to facilitate the evolution process in the right direction and make the race more sustainable rather than reaching a dead end and exhausting earth. 

Will a third world war actually be trigerred deliberately by a few for their own benefits. How can that be prevented? How can this handful of destructive people be defeated by creating more awareness and a global movement for growth and evolution with the right intention in the right sustainable direction? These are some of the questions of our times. It is time to connect people around the world and prevent our race from racing towards a dead end sooner than later and without even a natural disaster through a force outside or beneath the earth!

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Today, I actually lived the day when I consciously chose to be positive and happy. The result, I decided to enroll myself to learn spanish starting next week, read one of the three books which I had been procrastinating and made my family laugh more than they would have for a long time. I also cooked and felt happy and high after a good meal. Its simple - good food = happiness = love

Talking about love, I think a man's capacity to love and actually love is strongly related to his levels of happiness and contentment. I can not be make others around me happy and positive if I am not in that state of mind from within. The key is to identify, what really makes us happy and only focus on doing those things more and more and more. The result will be outstanding and will attract more love in our life. Today I was also 'dream-lining' and was able to put together 40 more ideas besides the 20 that I had around the beginning of the week.

The power of believe is as strong as you can make it to be. There is no limit. To the extent that it can actually make physical changes in the synapses of our brain which will eventually alter our choices and our life as a whole.

Today I visualized a 40 year old me and was actually intimidated. I need to make this vision stronger and who that person is.

Today, I choose to believe that nothing and absolutely nothing can come between me and my life mission except for myself. Everything else is a function of the choices I will make.

Friday, 20 July 2012

The day started as usual, got up at 2.30 pm eventually, only when I was starving. I had seen 'the secret' movie last night and thought it will be a good idea to show it to my mom and sisters so did that and they readily agreed. As expected my mom was the most positive and wants me to to give out its 'CDs to a lot of people we know who are negative in life. My eldest sister who is expecting, was happy as as well and said she will always try to remain positive and make a vision board as shown. The youngest sister was sceptical but positive and liked the idea. Though she said after an hour that she thought its been two hours she had been watching it. Generally, my mom sees me opening schools of a new order based on my thinking and disdain for the current system. I actually despise it and think its a plant to make creatures for the rat race and injures the human brain at an young age.

After a good dinner and hours of family drama on tv, I experienced an extreme mood swing and wondered about its origins. Uncertainity about I want to do, a job or start a business. Or I need to join work from Monday and dont know the future or just having too many ideas and not knowing what to do with them now?? This led to going to my best friend these days, thats wikipedia and search for bi-polar issues.  I know a person I know personally who experiences this is and the thought crossed my mind, if I am also one. With no focus or desire or motivation or interest to read and after losing another game of chess with my mac, I decided to watch 'limitless'. A friend was talking highly of it and from whatever I had heard from her, it sounded of my interest. 'A person takes a pill and becomes super human'.

So, the movie was great, not as good as matrix but still one of the better ones I have seen. Since the movie finished on an open end, I was curious and wanted to check if the second part has come out. Went online and realized it hasnt and this one was released on march, 11. This search led me again to wikipedia and I read the entire page on 'intellectual giftedness'. What happened after that is quite remarkable coz just two hours back I had no capacity, interest or focus to read anything and here I was reading line by line of a relatively heavy subject. It took me back in my entire life and I had flashes of how my characteristics have been similar to gifted people since the time I remember. Because of my negative experiences due to being 'intellectually special' in school from my class-mates, it seemed to me that in order to get socially acceptable and popular, I have been hiding and not been myself for the last 7 years. There have been moments that I have experienced heigtened levels of awareness and those wow moments when the frequency of thought bubbles are high but mostly not. I have just adapted socially and been a normal high performer in most of the things.

I realize today that I need to accept myself in totality, dont get scared of my potential and face the reality. Running away is no longer an option. I realize that all the answers lie inside me and I need to continue to reflect to know my answers. It seems that my calling is taking a shape. Doing something in terms of transforming the education system by opening schools, seems certain and this will take care of how children can be influenced at an early age to reach their highest potential and make a positive change. For the young and other people, a business entity for helping people create hosting spaces seems certain as well. The main thing I am concerned with is the network of people I need to involve in the implementation and how do I identify them. I have known that I have an extremist behaviour but i have a feeling that I am actually an introvert. I can so easily do without friends for a relatively long time, that it surprises me. But the challenge comes from the same. I need to connect to and share ideas with people outside myself. Even though I have felt the need to have more consistent friends and social circles for the last 7 years, I have not been successful. I need to hold on to the few I have right now and some of them will hopefully join me in taking my ideas forward. Doing it alone is not possible and foolishness.

At the end of the day today, its very weird how my state of my mind goes from one extreme and mood to the other and I do not understand what factors make this happen in a span of just 8-12 hours. I cant imagine I have watched a movie, read about intellectual giftedness and related areas and written this blog after being so disinterested in doing anything about 4 hours back. I live to know my answers.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Today, while studying 'Theory U', I realized the journey of an idea from birth till wide scale implementation and the people who get involved with it at different stages.

1. Invention-discovery-innovation-research-theory-book- scientists
2. Practical application in society and business- authors
3. Movie-Academic course-learning programs- filmmakers, instructional designers, academicians
4. Making it viral through technology and social networks- business and celebrities
5. Large scale and diverse application of the idea to make the world a better place – change agents

This idea needs further work and development.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Just finished my first conversation with my new life guru - Amalia. It was on Dey's reference and I made the right decision to follow his advise and connect with her. I want to write about the impact it has had on me. I wish I could meet her face to face coz Skype has its own limitations in the flow of our thoughts. But will still make the best of this opportunity. The one common emotion I had through out the conversation is that I was constantly scared. I was scared in the right way. I was questioning things which are most important in my life and the very meaning of my life now and in the future. I have always been on the other side of the conversation in which I am the catalyst for other people, so this kind of a conversation when I allow someone to be a catalyst for me is very unique. The only other person I have done this with is Dey, which is just 2 weeks back. A lot of this has also happened over years with Shalika.

Besides other things, at the end of this conversation, I have defined my everyday action steps to reach my short term and long term goals. I realize that I need a catalyze in my life right now, someone who can make me more aware and push me towards reaching my goals and till the time I am on my own and ready to change the world in the real sense. This is my last week of the holiday since I sprained my ankle a couple of weeks back. I will start working from the coming Monday. Does that thought make me upset? Yes it does. I have decided not to play small anymore. I need to make myself ready to launch myself out there. I need to consciously do that from here onwards and as Amalia said, I just don't need to 'stop running away from it' but also 'FACE IT'.

I need to accept myself as the individual who I am really am or have the potential of becoming. I 'am going to' connect with myself at a very deep level and find my own answers and action steps. The catalyst will help me be more consistent and not lose my actual identity and help me transform into a much more evolved human being. If I need to transform as a human being on a very active level then I need to explore my soul through meditation and engaging with the right kind of people. I realize that the biggest challenge now will be to be consistent with this state of mind and identity with myself. The kind of people I will be interacting are not the kind of people I can have similar conversations with. The only other person besides me who actually knows who I am or my day to day life is my 'best friend' Shalika.  Its been a unique relationship since 3 years and I will write more about it when the time is right.

Today, I have created one more person who knows about the most important things in my life and I am happy about it. I need to find more such people with whom I will be comfortable breaking the 'wall' and that will be one of the ways I will transform.

Monday, 9 July 2012

I start this blog today, truly inspired by a man I have followed, observed and looked upto since many years. He is one of my role models. He defines many things for me which help me connect with myself and help me become more self aware. I believe self awareness is a life long journey and every human being needs a connect with an idea, vision, mission or person to truly understand his or her position in this universe. When i cheer for Roger Federer, I do so because of myself and the way 'I' connect with him at what I recognize as the spiritual level. Its not just him as a person but more so is the the phenomenon he represents and how he goes about his life and continues to transform himself through a series of experiences. There is just one more person who defines a similar concept to me and he is Sachin Tendulkar but I will write about him later.

Just the other day, the thought entered my head. I was trying to de-code a champion in my head and what does it take on a practical basis to become and continue to be a champion. Well, I believe there is a strong connection between the design of a champions brain and the people around him who ensure that they continue to play their parts as diligently as the champion goes about playing his part to remain a champion and becomes a better human being. Let me de-codify this now.

To begin with, a champion needs a very strong sense of love in his life. Love for his cause, love for his sport, love for himself, it could be anything abstract as well. This love takes the form of any materialistic thing like a sport or a person. The most successful of the lot have both figured out. They love their sport/cause/business and they also have their wife and/or children who they truly love. Take either of them away from them and it will change their DNA. The person they love also takes care of their mental, emotional and sexual needs and help them perform at their best.

Some part of this role is at times also played by their mentor or life coach. If your life coach happens to be your husband or wife, you are simply lucky. But I would say thats also a tricky situation to be in and there must be two different people.

The second is their physical fitness. They are generally world class fit and have a trainer or a coach who ensures that they are disciplined and continue to be fit as they focus on their performance. I can go on and on about this aspect but you get the point. i will expand on this later. The third is the person who  manages the finances of the champion. Just like any business entity, a champion his the product and heart of the organization and is the CEO and COO. For him to focus on his vision, goals, profits and operational excellence, he needs a brilliant CFO to make sure that his financial sustainability is taken care of.

The fourth is the public relations manager who ensures that the champion is represented in the right manner.

Let me not get lost in these ideas as for now thats not what I want this blog to be about.

I want to write about something I was dreaming or day dreaming about today morning and I am glad I did. Now I have know my strange connection with quantum physics, parallel universe, einstein and psychology. So, I think at the psychic level or quantum level, we can be at many places at the same time. Time loses its relevance and there are just events in what we call the past, present and the future. This means if right now my focus is on writing this blog, it should be completely on it for me to write it effectively. Now if I get distracted at a conscious or sub conscious level then a part of the conscious will actually be in some other place and time. Let me simplify this with this statement I found.

Are we a material form that has consciousness or are we a consciousness that has fashioned for itself, a dance of molecules. If this is a subjective perception, then who is the perceiver? ' I think, therefore I am.' But who is the thinker?

So, I while doing an activity during an event if my mind is at more than one place, then my consciousness is actually divided in different universes and therefore it will have a negative impact on the output of my current activity. I think this is the definition for passion as well. When I am doing a task passionately from my brain and 'heart', my consciousness is also at one place and that helps me focus and perform better. I am at one place at one point of time. I need to explore this area more and its impact on our lives.